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Funny Quotes Part 133



  • I’m writing my book in fifth person, so 
every sentence starts out with: “I heard from this guy who told somebody …” - Demetri Martin



  • How can you ever be late for anything in London? They have 
a huge clock right in the middle 
of the town. - Jimmy Kimmel



  • Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. - Robert Bloch



  • First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin



  • I don’t know that there are real ghosts and goblins, but there are always more trick-or-treaters than neighborhood kids. - Robert Brault



  • Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve. - David Letterman



  • “Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” - Alcohol




  • A hotel minibar allows you to 
see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2020. - Comedian Rich Hall



  • I got my hair highlighted because I thought some strands were more important than others. - Comedian Mitch Hedberg



  • “Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.” - Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Quotes Part 133 Funny Quotes Part 133 Reviewed by HealthyFoodMaster on 6:33:00 AM Rating: 5

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